Deciding whether or not to get a divorce can put anyone in a tizzy. It is normal to feel doubtful of any decision you make related to separating from your spouse. However, it is crucial to arrive at a final decision at some point after evaluating the situation at length.
It is important that you know when to stop fighting for your marriage and do what brings you peace and helps you move forward. But how do you know that you’ve reached a point where you should call it quits? Mentioned ahead are a few signs that you can consider in this regard.
- You Don’t See Your Spouse in Your Future Plans
Sure you like to think about the future and imagine what your life will be like five years from now. You think about a new career, a new house of your own, maybe even a move to a new city. But, do your dreams include your spouse in all of this? If you don’t see them fitting into your future plans, chances are you don’t want them to be in them.
- You Differ on Having Kids
Even if you did have this discussion with your spouse before you decided to tie the knot with them, circumstances and feelings change over time. Many a time, people think that having kids will get in the way of their professional ambitions. In other cases, couples experience fertility issues where one spouse wants to give up trying after some years. This can be extremely tricky to deal with as you cannot goad your spouse into having children if they don’t want to. Meanwhile, you may not be willing to continue in a marriage where you won’t be able to have kids. This can give rise to tremendous bitterness, enough for you to want to divorce your spouse.
- You Hardly Spend Time Together Anymore
We all lead busy lives, but it is imperative that married couples make time to be with each other. Partners who genuinely enjoy each other’s company have no trouble in doing so. They can spend hours watching their favorite shows and movies together, lose themselves in a book, or simply take a holiday to their favorite destination. However, you know your marriage is in deep trouble when you do all these things to create a distraction and escape the real issues plaguing your relationship. Alternatively, the decreasing will to make time for each other is a surefire sign that all is not well between you and your spouse.
- One of You Has Been Unfaithful
You know your marriage is doomed when either you or your spouse (or both) has been unfaithful and in a relationship with someone else while you’re still married. Some couples, however, are able to get over the infidelity and the heartache that comes with it, others may want to end their marriage. Unfaithfulness can crush trust and respect, which are the pillars of a good marriage. However, divorce may not be the ultimate answer to this problem. You can try to rebuild the lost trust and respect through marriage counseling (more on this later).
- You’re Not Interested In Making Things Better
Whether or not a marriage works out, both partners need to take the credit or the blame for it. It takes two to tango, and this applies to marriage as well. If one partner isn’t motivated enough to stay in the matrimonial bond, it will eventually crumble. More often than not, the absence of motivation indicates the loss of something. If you’re simply not interested in figuring the “something” out, and continue to feel indifferent and disillusioned, staying in the marriage may not be a good idea. Look for a local lawyer with experience in family law as such a lawyer will be knowledgeable about your state’s laws. So, if you stay in Wheaton, IL, contact a Wheaton divorce lawyer for consultation.
- There’s Too Much Resentment
All conflict in a marriage arises from some form of resentment. Whether it is promiscuity, arguments, disagreements, or incompatibility, it all has its roots deeply entrenched in this R-word. If not identified and resolved in time, resentment can continue to grow. It is, therefore, important to communicate and deal with it rather than bottle it up. Marriage counseling can help in this case too, but not always.
- You Don’t Get Intimate Anymore
While you need not behave like a honeymooning couple all the time, it is important to satisfy your and your partner’s sexual needs. Doing so also helps cement the bond between spouses. Of course, there are periods in every marriage when it’s normal to be less intimate, for example, when your spouse is ill or as you age. But if you don’t ever get intimate and behave more like roommates rather than husband and wife, even though one partner wants sex, there could be a huge problem. It signifies the lack of physical affection and makes a relationship platonic and nothing else.
- Marriage Counseling Isn’t Helping
It’s no secret that marriage counseling is an effective way to solve marital problems between couples. It exposes them to objective opinions of an experienced counselor and helps resolve disputes. Counseling has saved numerous marriages, but both partners need to be equally committed to it for it to work. If you have been visiting a counselor for a few months and it hasn’t made things better with your spouse, you can take it as an undeniable indicator of an impending divorce. You can be certain that you want a divorce only when you’ve tried to fix your differences so you have no regrets in the future.
- You Just Don’t Care and Prefer to Be Alone
Typically, if you spouse did something you didn’t like, it’d make you angry. But now it doesn’t matter to you in any way. This indicates that you’ve checked out of the marriage emotionally with no desire to work towards resurrecting it. You’ve become indifferent and no longer care about its fate. In fact, you don’t want to be around your spouse anymore. You’re convinced that being by yourself will be far better than being stuck in an unhappy marriage. If this is how you’ve consistently felt for a few months, then you probably should get divorced.
At the end of the day, only you can decide whether or not you should get a divorce. After all, you have to live with the consequences of the decision you make. It is, therefore, important to make a call after careful consideration. We hope the above points will help you make the right decision. If one or more of them apply to you, then it’s time to consider closing the old chapter of being married and moving forward. Do ensure you decide according to what’s best for you (and your children, if any) to get through the process as peacefully as possible.
Author Info: Jenna Adams is a certified divorce coach by profession. She is associated with Peskind Law Firm, a St. Charles divorce law firm offering family and divorce law services to the folks of Illinois. She specializes in everything when things come to divorce and beyond that. She helps people with setting up post-divorce goals to bring about improvements their overall life.