Divorce can be one of the most painful and messy things that one is forced to endure in their lifetime. No matter the cause, it can be a painfully traumatic experience that drags everyone into the drama, not just the couple. If either, or both, sides are willing to do what they can to hurt one another, everyone is guaranteed to suffer.
This doesn’t have to be the case, however. Despite the pain of a relationship ending, you can get a divorce and still retain your dignity and your sanity. The key is to approach it maturely, in a way that leaves both you and your ex feeling capable of walking away thinking things have ended as smoothly as they could.
Try to Negotiate
Both parties expect to get everything that they want out of the divorce. However, both of you will have to compromise. You don’t want to spend years fighting with your spouse about the same things, such as who now owns what and why. There are most likely items or things one of you have a clear claim to better than the other, but you should still approach the situation calmly. Negotiating with your ex will get you a lot farther than demanding things from them. If you find there are areas where negotiation continually fails, don’t be afraid to bring in a mediator to help the both of you reach a decision.
Avoid Talking Badly About Your Spouse in Front of the Kids
Divorces are almost always hard on the children, where they feel like they have to pick sides or at the very least have a clear reason to them of why their family dynamic is changing. That is why it hurts when they hear one parent talk badly about the other, and it most definitely won’t do you or your ex any favors when it comes to your relationships with your children. If you have children, you should avoid saying anything negative about your ex in front of the children, and you should definitely avoid fighting in front of them.
Hire An Attorney
There are many things that couples fight about when they are going through a divorce. For example, they might argue about custody arrangements and visitation. They may also argue about who is going to get the property and assets. The best way to avoid fighting and keep things as amiable as possible is to hire an attorney.
Attorneys, for example, PJ Griffin & Co, can consult with your spouse’s attorney to handle negotiating and help decide who gets what if you and your spouse feel you can’t do it without dissolving into fighting. An attorney can also help you navigate the legal aspects of the divorce to make sure things work out as well as possible for you. Additionally, your attorney can help you solve problems without having to go to court.
Avoid Hiding Things
You may be tempted to hide things, such as your assets and property or anything about your children, from your ex. However, that can only cause problems later on down the road. Lying can also get you in trouble in court if you get caught. Not only in a legal aspect, but for what it could do to what’s left of your relationship. If your ex feels you’re untrustworthy, they may feel they’re forced to take action to protect themselves. Trying to end things peacefully becomes very difficult if neither side is willing to work together or at the very least end things on a higher note.
Express Your Feelings
It is important for you to be honest about the way that you are feeling. You don’t want to hide your feelings because that can hurt you physically and emotionally. It’s alright to not be happy you’re getting a divorce, understandable even, and trying to pretend everything is fine will only hurt you in the long run. You should find someone you feel comfortable talking to as a way to help you deal with your emotions. You may also want to speak with a therapist about the way that you are feeling and ways to emotionally work through what’s happened.
A divorce is a difficult life ordeal. However, it doesn’t have to be a nasty ordeal. You can try to negotiate with your spouse and avoid talking bad about them in front of the children. You can also hire an attorney. It is important to avoid hiding things. Furthermore, it is important to express your feelings.
Author information: Kara Masterson is a freelance writer from West Jordan, Utah. She graduated from the University of Utah and enjoys writing and spending time with her dog, Max.